All those buzzfeed '30 ways you know you're a million years old and not getting smarter' are finally making sense. Unemployment does funny things to the brain. So does staying with your parents, with no bright future in sight.
Like I talk to myself. A lot. Some days I'm Kareena Kapoor explaining to the shower wall why marriage with Saif makes me whole. Like today. I also said I love to cook, which is almost true. Yesterday I was Ellen deGeneres. I couldn't dance like her though. Only better.
Most days I'm Nigella Lawson. Perky, sensual, food pornish. She can twist a cherry stem into a racehorse with her tongue, of course I want to be her. My viewers LOVE the way I make chai.
"The secret ingredient is passion.Not the fruit. The feeling."
"George Bernard Shaw once said that making tea is like meditating." No he didnt, but I sound smart.
Today, I was the Lazy Chef with her own damn show. And why not? Should not the spotlight be on me, with the dark circles, unkempt hair, dull eyes that have no desire to live? And the figure hugging dress with just a hint of cleavage. I'm lazy but I like my body.
Dear God and all that's holy, THIS is when my mother steps in screaming 'Who's going to marry you?'.
Well mommy, at least I can feel my way around a kitchen. What good Indian boy doesn't want that?
Speaking of Indian boys, my profile has been doing the rounds on a certain matrimonial site. I succumbed to the all consuming fear of being alone. Cat lady doesn't sound as funny as it did 5 years ago. However, it is inching closer as a reality. And so it begins, the meeting of the 'boys', rehearsing 'its not you its me'(a million rupees for everytime you've said it-I know I have) or the dreaded 'will you settle down in the US?'
Explain to me how every single boy on the site has a sense of humour. Every. Single. One. Have I been living in an alternate world? One where apparently no one gets sarcasm. Perhaps the jeevan saathi gods might help me with this conundrum.
"Oh Almighty Matchmaker, could you find me a fair, sarcastic boy who doesn't run away from me with his tail between his legs?'
"Dear Child, I'm afraid what you are seeking does not exist. What is this 'sarcasm' that you speak of? For your blasphemous question you will be rewarded with more cats that you can handle and a house that smells of rum and ....<drum roll>.... a Green Card ."
Clearly I'm still hurting from my first 'rejection'. Lets just drop the peach fuzziness and call it that. Bruised ego and whatnot. I have a feeling this is going to take a while. Bring on the IIMIITBTechMSPhdLLMMA. Who says I dont speak gibberish?
Like I talk to myself. A lot. Some days I'm Kareena Kapoor explaining to the shower wall why marriage with Saif makes me whole. Like today. I also said I love to cook, which is almost true. Yesterday I was Ellen deGeneres. I couldn't dance like her though. Only better.
Most days I'm Nigella Lawson. Perky, sensual, food pornish. She can twist a cherry stem into a racehorse with her tongue, of course I want to be her. My viewers LOVE the way I make chai.
"The secret ingredient is passion.Not the fruit. The feeling."
"George Bernard Shaw once said that making tea is like meditating." No he didnt, but I sound smart.
Today, I was the Lazy Chef with her own damn show. And why not? Should not the spotlight be on me, with the dark circles, unkempt hair, dull eyes that have no desire to live? And the figure hugging dress with just a hint of cleavage. I'm lazy but I like my body.
Dear God and all that's holy, THIS is when my mother steps in screaming 'Who's going to marry you?'.
Well mommy, at least I can feel my way around a kitchen. What good Indian boy doesn't want that?
Speaking of Indian boys, my profile has been doing the rounds on a certain matrimonial site. I succumbed to the all consuming fear of being alone. Cat lady doesn't sound as funny as it did 5 years ago. However, it is inching closer as a reality. And so it begins, the meeting of the 'boys', rehearsing 'its not you its me'(a million rupees for everytime you've said it-I know I have) or the dreaded 'will you settle down in the US?'
Explain to me how every single boy on the site has a sense of humour. Every. Single. One. Have I been living in an alternate world? One where apparently no one gets sarcasm. Perhaps the jeevan saathi gods might help me with this conundrum.
"Oh Almighty Matchmaker, could you find me a fair, sarcastic boy who doesn't run away from me with his tail between his legs?'
"Dear Child, I'm afraid what you are seeking does not exist. What is this 'sarcasm' that you speak of? For your blasphemous question you will be rewarded with more cats that you can handle and a house that smells of rum and ....<drum roll>.... a Green Card ."
Clearly I'm still hurting from my first 'rejection'. Lets just drop the peach fuzziness and call it that. Bruised ego and whatnot. I have a feeling this is going to take a while. Bring on the IIMIITBTechMSPhdLLMMA. Who says I dont speak gibberish?
